11 Ways You Lose Your Mojo

November 19, 2015

Mojo is a fluid thing. It can come and it can go. You can be strutting your shit one minute and falling into the gutters the next. You have to be vigilant and you have to be steadfast. You can’t be complacent and you are going to have to do some things that are hard to do and avoid some things that are hard to avoid. Here is a list of 11 things that will kill your mojo real quick.

  1. You eat like shit.

    Ok. Everyone eats crap sometimes. We cannot all eat raw, organic, healthy fruits and vegetables from our own gardens grown with the animal shit of a grass fed cow named Bela who frolics in an open meadow. If you just replace some of that junk food for something a little less shitty your body will thank you by not groaning and creaking and swearing up a shitstorm of sweat and tears when you try to climb the stairs. You want a candy bar? Get a low calorie protein bar instead. You want some ice cream? Go Greek yogurt instead, and skip the syrups. You want McDonald’s? Well… ifyo u are still eating at McDonald’s I have no sympathy for you, so move along. You are a lost cause.

  2. You don’t move your ass.

    There is no secret to feeling better and regaining your mojo. It is proven that exercise does it. It just works. It releases some feel good endorphins and affects the brain chemistry and a bunch of technical crap that you can read anywhere. Who cares. It works. Science doesn’t have to get involved for me to tell you to just get off your ass and get some exercise and your life and your health will be a whole lot better. Everyone who you see looking ripped or slim at a gym was scared or embarrassed to start, but the only way you get to where they are, or wherever you want to be, is by getting to it. So move your ass!

  3. You are mean to strangers.

    Listen. Life sucks enough for all of us without random people making it worse. You don’t like it when some asshole blows up on you for something stupid and out of your control so don’t do it to other people. You know you are not really mad at them anyway and you really want to punch your boss in the face because he is a dick for making you work late and missing your son’s baseball game so don’t add to other people’s shitty lives by adding your own shit to it. Smile. Be cool. Be helpful. It sucks for everyone to be breathing, so you are in good company.

  4. You don’t appreciate those closest to you.

    I suck at this one. If I had a dime for every time I was a complete ass to someone I really cared about I would not be writing a god awful blog that no one reads in an obscure corner of the internet. I would own an island. Maybe two. And I would probably be alone because no one would want to be around me. The point is, even if you are an angry, grumpy dick like me sometimes, you should still reach out to those people you care about and just let them know. You love them. You appreciate them and most of all you owe them. Shit hits the fan really quickly in life and if you don’t take time to tell them that now you might never get a chance.

  5. You don’t read.

    No. Reading a People magazine that you found in the bathroom of the dentist’s office doesn’t count as reading. Reading this shitty blog shouldn’t count either. Though I am thankful you do. I am talking about reading books. Real books. Yeah. Groan. Pick up your smartphone. Flip to TMZ and watch cat videos. What the hell happened that reading became so terrible? We are losing a mountain of potential for improving our lives by not setting aside time to read and learn and grow. Just read a fucking book already. I shouldn’t even have to say that.

  6. You spend too much time on Facebook.

    All I have to say to this is that; STOP GIVING A SHIT ABOUT PEOPLEs FAKE, MANICURED FACEBOOK LIFE! Stop liking everyone else’s experiences and insights and start having and creating your own. Oh, and when you do create some amazing experiences and have some incredible insights because you started living with some fucking mojo, you don’t have to share that shit on Facebook for it to matter. I am just saying.

  7. You don’t save money.

    I hate saving money. I made it and I want to spend it now! I deserve nice shit and why does Dave get a brand new 50 inch tv and I have this piece of shit 42 inch tv. His little football guys are ⅛ of an inch larger than mine and that is not cool and Dave is such a dick!!! Ok. Saving money sucks. But not having money when you need it sucks more. Your car will break down. Something you need will break. Someone you love will need you. Life is cool like that and when that happens it is nice to have some money squirreled away. It will help you sleep at night. Which get’s me to number 8.

  8. You don’t sleep.

    Your body is a battery and it needs a serious recharge every day. Now you can trickle charge that bitch and get a few hours here and a few hours there, but you will always be running on the bare minimum of what you can accomplish if you do that and your mojo will constantly suffer. Do yourself, and your body, a favor and make time to sleep. You will be more productive when you are awake and you will enjoy that time a whole lot more.

  9. You believe everything you read or hear on the news.

    Don’t ever tell me anything you have heard on any cable news channel or any mainstream newspaper as though it were fact. Ever. I don’t care. I don’t want to hear about it. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I stay up to date on the news. I just don’t always believe what I read and I work to find verification and accuracy in the morass of bullshit being slung around. Every side is playing some angle and every side is trying to get their hordes of followers. Don’t be a sheep. Question everything; the news, especially. Do research. Get both sides. Form your own opinion based on facts and shit that is as close to the truth as you can get and then spread that truth around like a sweet perfume to cover the stench of everyone else’s bias, uninformed bullshit.

  10. You don’t have a hobby.

    Hobbies are not just for kids or old people. Finding something you enjoy doing in your down time to distract you from the general banality and frivolity of life is halfway to surviving this shit without going insane. Pick up painting or scrapbooking or photography or whatever other else you like to do. It’s all nonsense to everyone else but if it eases your stress and keeps you engaged in life and genuinely makes you happy then fuck everyone else and do it. It will keep you cool and calm and full of the right stuff to build your mojo. Besides, you might find a talent somewhere that you can turn into something more than a hobby.

  11. You watch too much tv.

    Admit it. How much? How much do you watch? 2 hours a day? 4? 6? Is it your favorite pastime? Does your DVR tell you to back the fuck up and stop smothering it? It’s ok. We all get lazy sometimes and just plop down in front of the idiot box, but turn it off sometimes. Take your least favorite show and drop that 30- 60 minutes right now in your life bucket. Spend it walking or reading or painting or writing or ballet or Voodoo or being the creepy guy who rides one of those really tall unicycles. I don’t care. It’s all a means to building mojo because it is stuff that defines who you are. So, just turn off the tv and do something better with your life.

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